Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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