I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
whose parrot is this?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
