The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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