i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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