Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
