Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
