Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
