We won't sleep together?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
