Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
