upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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