After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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