there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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