i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
