Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
false alarm. still invincible.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
