I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
