When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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