Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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