I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
