Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
