Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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