Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
