sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
