WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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