It's Friday. Sex?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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