There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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