I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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