i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
