You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
