I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
