my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
