The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
