If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
