Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
