Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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