2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
