just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
