Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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