therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
