my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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