He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
