I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You left your phone here
Wait...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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