I take back everything I said about communal showers
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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