your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The uberlube is also flammable
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
