So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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