he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
