im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
