You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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