I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
