is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
