Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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