dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
